Here is an example of how Brigit’s brain works. Whether considered appropriate by others or not, we expose Brigit to anything we expose ourselves to. Exposure ranges from technological advances, foods, hiking, human behaviors, personal finances….I can go on and on. Bottom line, we give her access to as much information as possible, assuming that she may not understand every nuance, but the information will get her brain working and develop questions. The approach also gets David and me to think about what we are doing, because explaining it is part of the process. One area of exposure includes the concepts of real and pretend, including the sometimes funny and sometimes scary world of movies that include all types of vampires, zombies, witches, ghouls and goblins. One of Brigit’s early exposures at the age of three was to the Wizard of Oz on the big screen. A local theater was playing it as part of the film’s 75th anniversary celebration. Brigit enjoyed the movie, but got a little scared when the Wicked Witch of the West took up the whole screen. I must admit, that big green and black character taking up a whole wall could certainly be disconcerting. She expressed her concerns and we shared my seat for the rest of the movie. Her interest did not seem to be founded in fear, but in curiosity. She reminded me and herself that the movie was pretend, and I think the wet demise of the character later in the movie was reassuring to her. In our desire to introduce Brigit to self-sufficient females we have also showed her Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She seems to understand the difference between real and pretend, so we sit there and watch the show together, answering her questions about the plot and what different characters are – human and non-human, dead and undead. If I ever wondered about how she processes the information – if it all seemed more real than we thought for her or even scary beyond imagination – it was confirmed recently in a parking garage. I present to you the above picture. The orange figures are on a wall of a parking garage, painted to show them walking towards a door. Brigit saw them and immediately ran up to the front of the line and started running in place, yelling “look mommy! I am being chased by zombies! Ahhhh!” I laughed and of course took a picture. We laughed about it some more when we got outside and she pretended I was a zombie, running circles around me while I made zombie noises. We got some reactions from passers by, which included confused looks and smirks, which is usual for us. I think she has the concepts of real and pretend compartmentalized, at least for now…

Before Brigit could reach the kitchen counter top she was finding anything available to make herself taller. She would climb on chairs and stools and boxes to reach the top. At the time her mere ability to reach something was the extent of her skill. After successfully reaching her goal, the prize would be either dropped on the ground or grabbed and manipulated in her hands. I found many bananas warped and bruised on the kitchen floor. Such a mysterious phenomenon may historically be blamed on the cats, for us humans would never suspect each other. Alas, it was Brigit. Such activity led us to create a snack basket for her – stuff she could get for herself without fear of excessive smooshing or choking. It worked well and she was so proud of herself. To this day we have a snack basket for her within reach, but the containers and preparation get continually more complicated to keep her challenged. Resealable bags instead of reach-in containers, fruit with a nearby knife instead of cheerios. Bananas are no longer smooshed, but eaten with peel removed and trashed. Apples are eaten to the core and other snacks are consumed with leftovers sealed up to keep them from getting ‘uncrispy’. Another area where we have encouraged her to be self-sufficient is with clothes. It took forever at first. Pants were the first success, wiggling the toes to encourage the legs to move towards the waist. Twenty solid minutes of serious concentration and encouragement. Biggest frustrations were shirts and socks. Fastest progression was with sundresses, even if the arm holes were missed. Now, if properly motivated, she moves like lightening to go from naked to fully clothed in two minutes. In Brigit fashion, drama is added in deciding what to wear, so the twenty minute saga is still typical. Is it a shorts and t-shirt kind of day, or a princess dress day, or printed-leggings-with-the-most-opposite-colored-top-imaginable day? Beyond clothing, the challenge for me is to recognize when she is ready for a new challenge. I try my best to say yes to her whenever she shows interest in something new, but there are still the opportunities to encourage her in areas she has not yet recognized. The most recent suggestion of mine was the shower. We currently have a small bathroom in a small temporary apartment that does not have a bathtub, only a shower. She has been through the process many a time – turn on water, adjust temperature, get wet, soap up, rinse, shampoo up, rinse, condition up, rinse, play. Is her dexterity sufficient to accomplish all the steps? Yes!!! It was like she was hoarding her shower skills until just the right moment. Now, instead of resisting shower time she can’t wait for it. Instead of me or David setting things up for her and helping with every step she does it all herself. The big difference is the order of things. Play first, clean after. She is so proud of herself, and so am I. I am looking forward to the next challenge – shoelaces!

The imagination is flying around here lately! Brigit is like a pinball machine lately. Today batgirl – ding, yesterday a princess – dong, the day before a firefighter – ping, before that a doctor – pong, before that a archeologist – zing! I love how she pops from one thing to another, discovering something new each time. When we are driving around she asks a ton of questions. One day I decided to count, after my brain was especially strained by a constant barrage of them. 98. Yep. 98 from when she woke up in the morning until she went to bed that night. I was driving part of the time, so keeping track of the topics was challenging. From what I remember, they varied from corn and acorns to why animals are kept in zoo to how sidewalks are made and why some people looked happy and some looked sad. There was a lot of pressure on me to answer all the questions because I have convinced her that I know everything. Not because I remember everything, but because I know how to find out stuff. She remembers when I say I don’t know, because there is always an internet search when there is a pause in the day. Not just when we get home, but when there is wireless internet and our tablets work, or when there is no wireless and my phone has signal. Her little fingers fly across the touch screen and her mastery of YouTube is amazing. David and I often talk about how our reference tools were limited to the library when we could get to one, or the Encyclopaedia Britannica sets we had at our respective homes. The world is so much smaller these days. Some people have questioned our decision to give Brigit access to any information that answers questions she asks, but from my perspective, if we don’t tell her the truth now, what will she think when she has to relearn things later. How can she trust her parents later if they are not honest with her now? I remember things from when I was four, so why would she not? And she is much smarter than me already. Actually, I am not for sure, but I certainly think so. She knows the real names of body parts. She has a concept of death from when her Grandpa Ward died. She knows when she is eating parts of a cow or pig, and where tomatoes come from. She is much too perceptive to try and trick. Believe me, I tried it when she was two and it failed miserably. That is when I decided to tell her the truth. I must admit, when it comes to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny I am telling her myths, but try to put it in perspective and keep it conceptual. She will know later on that they are spirits or concepts, but those are lessons to be learned as she grows. For now, I will enjoy watching her mind grow and ping and pong and not tell her there are limits to her imagination, for the universe abounds in new things to discover.

Brigit was outgrowing her old underwear, so logically I stopped by the store for some new ones. I stood in the aisle at a national chain store and pondered the choices.

Hmmm. Dora. She is sooo over Dora, and forgot most of the Spanish she absorbed from the show. I am also sick of looking at Dora’s face. Disney princesses. Uh, so far I have avoided that whole world and Brigit has shown little interest, though time is running short after her princess-centric birthday. Monster High? Nope. Rapunzel from Tangled? Merida from Brave? Both are curiously separate from the ‘classic’ princesses, but do I want little B walking around with them on her butt?

I turn to the simpler undies of solid colors, flowers and polka dots, grabbing a bag and start heading out. Before I get too far something catches my eye. Omigosh! Is it? Is it? Yes! It is! A pack of cartoon character laden undies, but I can relate to them. Batgirl, Supergirl and WonderWoman! I know there is a tendency to sexualize the characters in certain ways, but they are also super! I am over analyzing.

Here is why I got excited. Brigit’s slightly older cousin sent his old Batman pajamas to her a while back. They are her favorite. She grabs them first every time they are clean and loves running around saving things. What if she can have that feeling every day even when it is not pajama time? Wooohoooo! I bought a pack, in addition to the plain pack. She opened them up and happily alternates each day between the super ones and polka dots or flowers, but mostly the super ones. Oh, and they also fit.

What effect will the decoration on undies have on Brigit? Probably not much. Chill the heck out, Mary Anne.

Hi! My name is Mary Anne. My daughter Brigit is turning four years old in a few days. Up until now my husband, David, and I have aspired to help her find her own path. She is a free spirit and a joyful soul. I want her to embrace life and discover that every step of the way is an opportunity to learn new things. As she gets older she is more and more self directing. Encouraging that tendency is sometimes a challenge as an adult and parent, but I feel that the long term benefits are worth every minute. Brigit is my first and probably only child. I don’t always know what I am doing, and I am learning all the time along with her. David and I are starting this blog as a way to see the path we are taking and maybe help others on the same path. We will both be posting as we feel like it, so expect some liveliness. It is also a way to share with our family and friends, far and wide, the wonders of our little miracle. I don’t know where we are going, but I sure know where we have been. I know it is hard to tell what kind of job we are doing in the moment, but I am darned sure in hindsight it will be a sight to see. Come join us on our adventure. It will be anything but boring.